Hillary Clinton Attends Fundraising Event with her mother Dorothy Rodham and her niece Fiona Rodham.
When a parent dies, the siblings come together to perform the sad ritual of making funeral arrangements. There is something comforting in that democratic process. Sometimes, the children are surprised to learn that the parent already had arrangements in place. I suspect that may have been the case with Dorothy Howell Rodham who passed away early last Tuesday morning. She had lived with her daughter in the family’s Georgetown residence but was an independent soul who would not have wanted to burden her children with the task at such a difficult time.
As the weekend draws to a close, and the daughter prepares to return to her work week, and a new normal – one without her mother there to greet her after a long, hard day at work – it occurs to me that there is another task to be accomplished. Particularly when it is the mother who passed, that duty always falls to the daughter(s) of the family: dealing with the personal effects.
That house in Georgetown has all of Dorothy’s things in it. I know some cynical people, even among Hillary bloggers, who would brush this off by saying that Hillary has plenty of money to pay people to do this wrenching task, but it is one that I believe Hillary and Chelsea would want to do themselves.
When packing the clothing, you run across something, a dress, a coat a blouse, that might somehow fit into your wardrobe even if it does not exactly fit you, and you keep it. I kept some of my mother’s nightgowns, and even though she was shorter and stouter than I, one of her winter coats sort of fit. I kept it for years. Wearing it somehow made me feel like mom was hugging me, and I missed her so much. I admired a jacket on a colleague some years ago, and he told me it had been his dad’s and wearing it was a comfort. For that, I doubt that Hillary would relegate this job to strangers or servants.
There is also the jewelry which customarily is distributed among female family members and perhaps friends. This is a long, difficult, and taxing task. It is not one that is entered into immediately. For a time, you want to keep the essence of your loved one around and these effects help. But ultimately it must be done, and my mind has been on this today. My heart goes out to Hillary and Chelsea as this duty confronts them, and it breaks thinking of Hillary coming home on Monday night and not finding Dorothy home as she has been all these years.
Mme. Secretary, having been there, I know what you are facing, and I would hug you if I could. There are still, after 16 years, things of my mom’s that I cannot let go of. I loved your mom, too. I wish you comfort in the weeks ahead as you adjust to your new normal and consider when the time will be to begin to go through her things. I hope you find a robe, shawl, or coat of hers that can give you a hug from your mom when you need one.
Still4Hill 
Awww, still it’s so sad, thanks for writing this beautiful piece.
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Glad you like it, Rumana. It has been nagging at me and trying to come out all evening. It sort of wrote itself.
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That’s a task that can’t be hired out in my opinion. You can have more money than god and the devil put together and sorting out a parent or grandparent’s personal items is still a job you have to do on your own.
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I agree. It’s way too personal.
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Her passing has reminded me of my father who was also born in 1919, but he died in 1966 when I was only 9 months old. My mother packed all his stuff and put it away for us to have some connection to him. As you can imagine that I don’t have any memory of him, but looking at those cloths somehow give me comfort, makes me believe that I did have a father. I have moved so many times in life but I have always kept one of his shirt. Call me crazy but this is how I feel.
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I have my dad’s Yankees jacket. It swims on me, I have two of his ties in case my nephew wants them some day.
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Yes, I do agree, the sentiments expressed are very thoughfully presented & I believe the SECRETARY is going to adjust to that new norm with renewed purpose, because of the strength that comes from the support she could always rely on from her Mother & others. I personally, do believe that old adage, that when one door closes in life, another opens,…sometimes we just have to find it!
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Thank you. That’s a comfort. I do think she will find her way. I think moms train us all of our lives for the day they will leave us. It’s a hard, hard day. And then we pick up the pieces and move ahead. My mom is always with me.
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Coming home to an empty house is going to hurt for a while. She’ll adjust to being alone, but it will take time. I feel sorry for her when I think about it.
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I know. That has been on my mind today. It’s the hard part.
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It’s too bad Bill can’t move in with her in DC.
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why can’t he? maybe he will. just for a few weeks or months till Hillary gets used to her mother not being there.
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He works in NY and I can’t imagine him commuting from DC. Also, he’s got a new book coming out, so I’m sure there will be a book tour.
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I had a colleague who commuted from Dc to Newark Airport every day. His wife was a flight attendant and it was cheaper for them than moving.
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I don’t think he’ll be relocating or commuting – he generally seems to avoid DC – but it would be very sweet if he did. She’s only got a little bit of time left at the State Dept.
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This is such a busy family.
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Bill was speaking at Tufts yesterday. They are busy.
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Run-up to his book release. Check out her twittascope today on my FB page. I swear that guy writes these specifically for her. I know lots of Scorpios – only one is in public service.
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Sounds like he referencing Madame Secretary’s retirement from public life.
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Sounded like that to me, too.
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My mother had a special pen that she used to sign checks and and write cards and letters, etc. She’s gone for 7 years now and every once in a while I use it and it reminds me of all the cards and notes that she wrote to me over the years.
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Brings back a lot of sad memories from when my grandmothers and aunt passed away. 😦
How old is little Fiona now? About four or five? I hope she’s old enough to remember Dorothy and carry those memories with her as she grows up. I know it made me feel better when my teenaged cousin told me he could remember Grams (my maternal grandmother; his great-grandmother). Alex was only three years old when Grams died, plus he and his family live in Ohio and didn’t get to see her regularly. But he said he remembers going to her house. The other kids in the family weren’t born then, so he’s the only one who had a chance to know her.
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Fiona must be five or six now. I have memories of my gramps when I was six. The last thing he gave each of us (he always had something for the grandchildren) was a pink superball. We were playing in the schoolyard and it bounced down near a basement window and disappeared. By that time, he had suffered a massive stroke and I knew he would never be the same. I went wild. I told the nuns that my gramps had given it to me and that he’ll never give me anything else again. But they told me the custodian had looked and it was impossible to find.
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on the 12th it will be 10 years since my beloved Grandmother passed and my mother and her 4 sisters still can’t bring themselves to sort her jewelry between them
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In my opinion, all that’s required is DIFFERENT ACTION (or a paradigm shift), on her part & it will be okay!
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I keep thinking about this photo.
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I have been, too.
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Such a sad photo
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This post is so meaningful to me. I was here thousands of miles away when my mom died and could not go to the funeral. I called one of my SiL after the rites were performed and asked her to keep one of my mom’s sarees (Indian dress) for me but all had been given out! Then she offered to talk one of my aunts who had received it and the aunt was more than glad to give it to me. To this day I smell it, bury my face in it. I would never part with it.
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I’m glad your aunt let you have it. It’s so important.
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Still, this is such a loving and thoughtful post. Thank you for reminding us that grief is shared by everyone, our lives are touched by it – be it a family member, a friend, a colleague and a pet.
My brother passed away three years ago and my sister-in-law has not erased his greeting on their phone. She has a cellphone but insists that we call their home phone. It is comforting to hear my brother’s voice and reflect on what a loving person he was.
Hillary is a wonderful daughter and will take time and care before she can even touch her mother’s things. I imagine her going to her mother’s room at night, lie down on her bed, look at the closet, hug the clothes with tears in her eyes, thanking her for everything, asking for guidance.
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Thank you so much for this comment! I also kept the mini-tape with my mom’s messages. I no longer have a phone that plays minitapes – but I have it.
That last paragraph,,, the image is touching … sad and comforting at once. Yes, I, too, can imagine this.
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So sad, I bet Monday is going to be a sad time for her. I remember the passing of my Mother like it was yesterday. I sure miss her. But she is in a better place and hopefully one day I will be with her again.
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Yes, it is a day we each carry forever in our hearts – the day we lose our moms. There is no stronger advocate in life than mom. No one encourages more, forgives more, or wonders why you are working so hard at whatever it is – but doesn’t stop you. No one gives you your head like mom does. She will be missing that, No one questions other people’s loyalty or intentions toward you like mom does. She will be missing that. I’m only old enough to be her sister. But when your mom leaves, if you are lucky, you have sisters to take over that role and those duties. Hillary doesn’t have a biological sister, but she has millions of sisters in spirit. We will carry on where Dorothy left off.
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This is a very moving post. I too was thinking of Hillary going through that big house by herself without her mom being there when she comes home from a grueling day at work. She doesn’t even have live-in hired help and the SS don’t stay inside the house.
I also thought about the painful task of going through her mom’s things and deciding what to save and what to give to family members and maybe special friends of her mom. I’m sure that Chelsea will help her, but she has a life and it’s in NY.
I wonder what Chelsea is thinking, she was very close to her grandma. Does her death bring to mind the fact that her mom will some day not be there for her? Scary thought, but we have all had it and some of us had to live through it. My mom died unexpectedly on Mother’s Day in 2009. She lived in FL and I still find myself thinking about her on Sundays because that’s when I had time to call and have long conversations with her. I still sometimes find myself thinking that I have to call mom, then I remember that she’s no longer there.
Oh shucks, now I’m crying.
Group hug…………
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Yes. Big group (((HUG)))!!!! I know. Every once in awhile going through these comments, the tears come ,,, for my mom, for Dorothy, and for Hillary and Chelsea. But also for all of us who come back to the day mom died because, for some of us, Dorothy became mom. Hillary is my sister, so Dorothy was also my mom. Lost mom all over again.
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I know the tears come for all. I wish I could hug Hillary and Chelsea too. Instead we’ll do a virtual group hug.
((((Hug)))
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Aw, Fiona is so cute! Sorry about hillary’s mother though.Vote for hillary,2012!
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Hi Amanda!
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Amanda wouldn’t let me see what she was typing until she was done. LOL! But she had to go home. Maybe she’ll be back tomorrow.
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That was cute. When I saw the notification I thought it was you, and I knew you had seen Fiona before.
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